Caffeine Madness
by The Vickster
So, you ever notice who exactly it is that populates the ever more ubiquitous coffeehouses springing up across the southland like mushrooms after a hard rain? Take a look around you next time you find your way into one of these dimly lit establishments on your seemingly never-ending search for enlightenment and the perfect double latte.
The Hipsters: Have read Kerouac and Ginsberg and Ferlinghetti et. al., and pretend to get it. Children of aging Boomers, they have adopted the Beatnik look from four decades ago: leotards, turtlenecks, berets, shades, all a Darker Shade of Black. They never show signs of visible emotion.
The Grungies: Lost their way to the Nirvana/Pearl Jam concert. Dress like an explosion at the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Many pierced/tattooed body parts. They like Duke McVinnie, but don’t know why.
The Neo-Folkies: Tie-dyed City. Write/sing plaintive songs about world peace, rain forests, life is pretty swell and please eat the little animals. Studied at the John Denver/Karen Carpenter School of Excruciating Sincerity.
The Pagans: Dress in subdued earth shades of brown and green. Speak in reverent tones about “our Mother” i.e. the Goddess or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Write/recite poetry about druids humping in the oak groves by the light of the moon.
The New Agists: What you get when you cross a Neo-Folkie with a Pagan. Always politically correct, they smile with infinite patience and tolerance for the poor unenlightened. Do not ask them about auras, crystals, ley lines, crop circles, UFOs, JFK, Atlantis, or the lost kingdom of Mu unless you are prepared to sit stupefied for an hour learning all the details.
The Yuppie/Beemers: Living proof that cellular phones cause brain damage. The less said about them the better.
The Tourists: Like tourists elsewhere in So. Cal., treat coffeehouses like another section of a theme park: Caffeineland! “Hey, Maud, wait’ll we tell th’ folks back in Topeka we got tuh listen to an ackshull poet do poetry to us! Wonder whut it wuz he said ‘zactly anyways?”
Well, enough of that. On to the important stuff!
Vic’s Picks for May
Who: Exene Cervenka & Friends
Where: Iguana Cafe, 10943 Camarillo St., NoHo, 818-763-7735
Monday the 3rd, 9:00 p.m. $5 cover (good all night). Music and poetry from former diva of the seminal punk/experimental rock group X and her eclectic group of fellow travelers.
Who: Mark Grayson Williams & David Bernard Franck
Where: Emerson’s, 13203 Ventura Blvd., Studio City, 818-986-CAFE
Continuous exhibition. Emerson’s bills itself as “A coffeehouse and gallery,” and so it is. Continuing exhibition includes the multimedia collection “Distractions 1992–1993” by Williams and a series of photo collages by Franck.
Who: Brian Wendt
Where: Eclectic Cafe, 5156 Lankershim Blvd., NoHo, 818-760-2233
Sundays, 11:00 a.m. Very talented and precise, Brian’s guitar playing has delighted and entertained at many different venues around the Valley (and beyond!). The perfect accompaniment for a leisurely Sunday brunch.
Who: Fred Horn & His Jazz Band
Where: Grounds Zero, 124 N. San Fernando Rd., Burbank, 818-567-4257
Sundays, 5:30–9:00 p.m. Straightforward jazz and other good stuff from Fred and his five-piece band.
Is it toooooooo much fun?!? You betchum, Red Ryder!! . . . Gotta dash! Catch ya next time round! Zzzzzilippp. . . Beep. . .
Next month: More Caffeine Madness!!♦