GooFoo Review
Carney’s, 12601 Ventura Blvd., Studio City (818-761-8300); 8351 Sunset Blvd. (213-654-8300)
by Barry Williams
Warning: The following is not to be read, consumed, or otherwise noted by CHE’s (California Health Enthusiasts). Consumption has been deemed unhealthy and unwise for anyone even remotely familiar with a StairMaster or LifeCycle. However, pregnant women and weekend bingers, late-night munchie seekers, etc., will all find it very much to their liking. This is the first installment in a series that will explore the gastronomical byways of “GooFoo” cuisine.
Goo Foo (goo foo) n. 1. An abbreviated slang term describing “good food” [from the Latin, meaning “damned good food usually priced around $5.00”]. 2. Any food that can be described as unusually palatable, endemic to the San Fernando Valley, and accompanied by the following adjectives: zesty, heavenly, lip smackin’, mmm-mmm good, and mouth-watering. GooFoo is usually found in kitsch places or, sometimes, just down the street in that place with the strange facade.
This month, our stop down the alimentary canal happens to be at Carney’s, an amusing little joint housed inside an old railroad car. Whereas this somewhat Middle-American setting provides an exterior parochial charm, Carney’s is really nothing more than a sit-down-and-dig-in kind of place. The burgers and hot dogs at Carney’s are three-napkin delights and, if you haven’t tried them before, there’s no better time than the present to get your butt on over there.
The disclaimer, “Probably the Best Hamburgers and Hot Dogs… in the World,” greets the customer upon entry. The use of “probably” struck me as odd but, as owner John Wolfe explained, “It’s to keep us from getting sued by some idiot that decides to use legalese and a subsequent lawsuit to make millions from a clever hamburger phrase.”
To be certain, the hamburgers at Carney’s are true works of art. Ranging in size from quarter pound to one-half pound, and consisting of 100% Grade A ground beef, these burgers are seared and cooked almost to perfection, and come with the appropriate amount of chili, cheese, onions, pickles, tomatoes, and mustard slathered on top. While I am not a big fan of tomatoes, Mr. Wolfe patiently explained that he utilizes only the finest tomatoes for his burgers and pulled a slice (actually more like a slab) from the nearest bin to illustrate his point. The ruby-red tomato slice was easily an inch in thickness and entirely covered the hamburger’s surface. The onions are diced within an inch of their lives and work their salivating magic by being scattered generously across the thick, meaty chili, another condiment. (The chili for the burger is not overly spicy, but is merely a tasty and fitting component of the burger’s design.)
One word of warning: do not remove the white sandwich paper wrapped around the burger, as I unfortunately did. The paper is placed strategically to keep the diner from as much of the mess as possible, though I can’t imagine not keeping a substantial amount of napkins nearby as backup.
The hot dogs are also delicious and are enveloped in what Wolfe calls their “natural casing,” providing the diner a crunchy, New York-style hot dog that explodes with juice and spice upon entering the mouth. Like their hamburger counterparts, they are big, gooey, oozing masses of cholesterol, but you’ll be so enthralled with the overall taste sensation that you won’t care how much your arteries are seizing up. There are a number of accoutrements for the hot dog, including chili, mustard, onions, tomatoes, sauerkraut, and relish, all of which are excellent.
For the more diligent and discerning vegetarian types, there is a marvelous cold bowtie pasta salad, a skinless chicken breast filet sandwich, and a vegetarian sandwich. Tacos have recently been added to the menu, and have proved quite popular. The homemade salsa, too, was a knockout. For an amusing and certainly curious finale to all of that, I recommend the frozen banana dipped in chocolate (best shared with your dining companion). The brownies are delectable chocolate morsels, always fresh and moist. ♦